Sleepless Morning [May 9, 2017]

I am beginning to write this at 5:35, hot tea in hand while moments away from starting season 2 of the Great British Bake Off. I am awake from an irritating and relentless cough from my recent change in location.

Yes, finally my first year at college is over and I am home for the summer. Over the past few weeks, I’ve written over 25 total pages for essays and projects, made two portfolios, and made it out for my 4.0 still in tact. I’m proud of my efforts, to say the least.

This pride is bittersweet though, seeing as though next semester I won’t be returning to my university but instead transferring to Rutgers, New Brunswick campus. I will miss everyone and everything I have forged together for myself, completely alone in DC, but it wasn’t a brilliant fit for me. I need to attend a larger and more socially and academically diverse university.

My sister is on her way to graduating next year from Rutgers, so my anxiety over whether Rutgers will be an improvement is non-existent. She was actually half the reason I came to the realization that my current university wasn’t working out for me; everything she listed about her freshman college experience, and even more recent things, I simply wasn’t seeing at my university.

I felt left behind, watching all my friends excel socially and academically. My life had just become a cycle avoiding people in elevators and scheduling my entire life around how much work I could force myself to do before exhaustion kicked in. There were no social clubs to join besides Greek life to expand my circle or stay de-stressed. At the beginning of the spring semester I felt I was being shipped off rather than returning to a new home. Something deep down knew straight-off that it wasn’t a place I could see myself going for the next two years of my life.

I’m very fortunate that my parents were behind me and encouraged my transfer process. Having their support made my confidence double after sending in my application and transcript, and definitely made the acceptance letter that much more rewarding.

Since being home though, other people have shared their own hopes and desires for my future, but I am focusing everyday to remain true to what I want and my future, rather than the white noise of others. (It’s very laborious, honestly. People need to shut up.)

I wish everyone well in their final exams still to come and the invasive family questions sure to come this summer.

xoxo Ash

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